Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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