4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
