his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
