remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
