my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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