Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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