Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
