just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
