i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
