So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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