I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize