I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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