im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
