am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
