hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize