puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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