Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
