I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
