I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
