The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
