i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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