hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
