I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
