Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize