I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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