You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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