She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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