let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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