Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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