so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
