You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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