porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
its not stalking. its research.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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