his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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