At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
