Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
