If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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