there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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