I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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