There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
