apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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