I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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