I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
