Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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