Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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