I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
