let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
