did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
