dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
