I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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