we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
