was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
