I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
