There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
