Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
