kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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