i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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