I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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