I CAN MOONWALK!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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