What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
