He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
