I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am one with the molecules
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
