I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize