We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
