Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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