non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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