We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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