I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
